Christmas Advent Calendar 2023
Dec
The build up to Christmas is a wonderful time of year – festive fun, joviality and goodwill to all. Or it is? Here’s our guide
December 21
It’s Christmas movie time with the kids. While they watch Home Alone for the 50th time, you set about writing the cards that should have been written and sent three weeks ago. Finally, you’re getting things done.
December 20
Your online order finally arrives but you’re out at the Post Office sorting office picking up the parcel you missed yesterday when you were putting up the decorations. You head to pick up your second parcel from the Post Office, only to find that you’ve missed a third parcel while you’re there.
December 19
It’s Christmas movie time with the kids. While they watch Home Alone for the 50th time, you set about writing the cards that should have been written and sent three weeks ago. Finally, you’re getting things done.
December 18
Time to start thinking about getting some Christmas food in. Tesco resembles feeding time at the zoo so you head for the relative calm and solace of the baked bean aisle. You dread to think what Marksies will be like.
December 17
You wake up the next morning splayed out on your dining room table. By the looks of it, you’ve attempted to get undressed for bed but given up halfway through. Someone’s stuck a used chewing gum on your forehead. It takes another day to recover. This time, you’re never drinking again and that’s a definite.
December 16
It’s the night out with a friend. You promise yourself that after the work’s Christmas party, you’ll be good. You’re going to have a quiet one. Honest.
December 15
Preparations are beginning to get you stressed so you try some meditation for the first time. You light some candles, hush the dog with a chewy bone and take a deep breath. Then your phone rings.
December 14
You head to the shops to buy a replacement set of 2000 Christmas lights but the shelf is empty. You have to make do by buying four sets of 500 lights and a multi-plug extension. This is going to get messy.
December 13
You finally succumb to putting up the decorations. You spend the next three hours carefully winding your 2000 Christmas lights around the tree, making sure that they’re evenly spaced, only to find afterwards that they don’t work.
December 12
You jump in the car and head into town to do some shopping but parking’s a nightmare. You spot one free space but there’s a sign that reads ‘No Parking’. You park in it anyway – this is an important mission.
December 11
You decide to bake a Christmas pudding but quickly realise that you should have started it in February. Maybe something for next year. You pack away the recipe book and take out a bottle of wine. Far more interesting.
December 10
It’s the kid’s nativity play. You get there early to get front row seats but there’s someone there already. You’ve got nothing against the young girl who got the main part of Mary but you do hope she messes up on the big day, especially since your kids never get a look in for the leading roles. Meanwhile, your child plays the part of 6th mute shepherd with Oscar-winning panache.
December 9
You sit down and write your Christmas card list but you get distracted by Strictly Come Dancing that’s just come on the telly. You leave the cards for another night. There’s plenty of time yet.
December 8
Time to deep clean the house, ready for Christmas. You get as far as getting the hoover out but you put it away again and promise yourself to give the house a spring clean in the New Year.
December 7
Your tub of Quality Street lies empty. The shame of it. You convince yourself that it’s ok because it’s Christmas. A new tub is bought and order is restored to the house. And because it’s Christmas, you even start putting the empty wrappers back in the tub.
December 6
You’re back in the game. After a good sleep, the hangover’s gone. A friend invites you for a few Christmas drinks in a few weeks time. With memories of the Christmas party now in the distant past, you enthusiastically agree.
December 5
Following your Christmas party, you promise yourself that you’re never drinking again. You spend the day moping around the house with a face like a slapped backside. Pass the Quality Street over. At this rate, you’ll be glad to get Christmas over and done with. Bah humbug.
December 4
The works Christmas party. The night starts with a few quiet Babychams in your kitchen and ends up in Kebab King in Caroline Street at 3am the next morning. Having out-sung your boss at Abba karaoke, you’re now eating your own weight in chips and doner.
December 3
A Christmas card arrives from your great aunt who lives the other side of the world. Panic-stricken, you realise that you’ve missed the international last posting date. Looks like Dolly’s not going to get a card this year. Like last year and the year before that.
December 2
Most of the houses in the village are already dressed for Christmas. You remain defiant but you can’t help feeling that your house now looks a little dour. ‘There’s still a few weeks to go yet, there’s still a few weeks to go yet,’ you repeat to yourself over and over.
December 1
Ah. The first day of December. Christmas is finally here. The advent calendars make an appearance, a glut of Christmas trees appear in Rhiwbina’s windows and the well-prepared take their frozen Bernard Matthews turkey out of the freezer to defrost. You reward yourself by opening your new tub of Quality Street.
